As the head of the household you will need to discipline your wife at times. She is not perfect, she is human after all, so she will do something that requires you to punish her.
When the need arises, it should be a very simple decision to make since it is what you both agreed would happen when she misbehaved. This is the role you willing took on and it is your responsibility to hold her accountable for her actions.
Since you have taken on that responsibility she expects and needs you to discipline her. She has put her faith and trust in you, she has submitted to you, and has done her part, now it is your turn.
She looks to you to lead and guide her. She looks to you for structure and to help her become the best version of herself she can be. She chose you for a reason.
If you fail to discipline her you are not living up to your responsibility, you are letting her down and rejecting the gift she has given you.
While the decision to discipline her is an easy one to make, you should not be getting pleasure from disciplining her. You should not look for reasons to discipline her or put her in situations where there is no way she can follow all your rules and do what she is supposed to do.
Remember, this is the woman you love more than anything in this world and the woman you have promised to spend the rest of your life with, punishing her is something you need to do, but it should never be something you enjoy doing.
Don’t feel guilty or apologize for punishing her, if you do, then once again you are letting her down. If you consistently find yourself struggling to discipline your wife when she deserves it, you need to discuss the difficulties with her. It may turn out that you aren’t able to be a hoh for her even if you want to be one.
Once you have made the decision to discipline her, sit down and talk to her and make sure she understands why she is going to be disciplined. If she doesn’t understand why, explain it until she does. Disciplining her without her understanding why she is being disciplined will not bring about the desired changes and she won’t learn and grow.
You need to make sure to reinforce that you love her and that it is the behavior that is “bad” and not her as a person. Reinforce that she makes you happy and proud and it is only the behavior you are displeased with. You need to continue reinforcing this while you discipline and after you are finished as well.
While you need to discipline her when it is necessary, you should take everything into account before you make your decision to discipline her, the form of discipline, and the severity of it. Give her a chance to explain herself, take into account things like her health (mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual), consider things that may have made accomplishing things difficult or impossible to do what she was supposed to do.
You can be merciful, but be careful, don’t be weak and let her get away with making excuses. There is a difference between a valid reason and making excuses. Since you’re the one in charge, you can determine how strict you want to be. It is up to you to decide what is an acceptable reason and what is an excuse.
For example, if she couldn’t have dinner ready because she forgot to take it out the night before, then that is not an acceptable reason for not having dinner ready; however, if she took it out and when she went to make dinner found out the meat was spoiled and there was no way to get to the store, then that may be a valid reason.
If she starts making excuses, tell her to stop and admit her mistakes. If she keeps making excuses then her punishment should be increased. If she doesn’t admit to her mistakes and accept that she was wrong, then any punishment will be meaningless. A person that does not express geniue remorse learns nothing and will not change their behavior.
A few things to keep in mind when it comes to disciplining your wife:
- Be fair.
- Be consistent.
- Be respectful.
- Keep the consequences proportional to the offense. You wouldn’t use a chainsaw to cut butter now would you?
- Remember aftercare.
- Don’t discipline her when you are angry.
- Don’t use discipline as an excuse to “get even”.
- Don’t discipline her when either of you is under the influence of alcohol.
- Don’t mix play with discipline, keep them separate.